THIS JUST IN...

From the Nafta News Network

First Lady names Nadler Honorary Poster "Billboard Child" for Obesity Campaign

Michelle Obama has named Jerrold Nadler to be the honorary "Billboard Child" for her childhood obesity campaign.  Nadler is a Congessman from New York's 8th congressional district that includes parts of the Manhattan and Brooklyn borroughs in New York City.  "Jerrold is a living example of healthful living," the First Lady gushed.  Adler is famous for his six pack abs that he attributes to steady consumption of six packs of Lowbrow beer and Hegrew Nat-ural Franks during grueling legislative sessions.

New Jerker Mag names Harry Reid Macho Man of 2010!

The New Jerker magazine has named Senator Harry Reid, the Pride of Seachlight, NV as the 2010 Macho Man of the Year.  "Reid's melodious  voice and his manly carriage is what separates him from your average girlie boy Liberal," according to Editor-in-Chief I. B. T. Baggin.   Reid helped "muscle" the ObamaCare legislation through Congress.  His physique is the envy of fellow legislators like Barney "Mushmouth" Frank, "Goth, I with [NN: wish] that I had a bod like that!

Nancy Pelosi retires from Congress accepts new job with Con-Crete Cement 

Nancy Pelosi will become the face of Con-Crete cement products after she leaves Congress in January 2011.  Recognizing her re-election chances might have been diminished in light of revelations of her Miller High Life style on the taxpayers' dime, she announced her retirement today from politics.  "After troweling around for a good spokesperson, we settled on Speaker Pelosi to be Spokeperson Pelosi. It's a natural fit.  Her ideas are cast in concrete and she's hard as cement,"  according to Rocco Vaselino, Director of Insider Sales.

New MSNBC show Red, White &  Blue Balls Gets Sponsor--Matthews Elated   

Gaylord Closets will be the sponsor of Red, White & Blue Balls, the new MSNBC news magazine show, the cash strapped cable network  announced today.  Gaylord targets consumers that include couples known as DINKs, i.e., double income--no kids.  

Matthews was quoted as saying, "I have little tinglies running up and down my leg whenever I think about my new walk-in Gaylord closet.  I sit alone inside my dark closet and I hum the Beatles song With a Little Help from My Friends©. My favorite part goes,

Would you believe in a love at first sight?

Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time.  [NN: First with Bill Clinton, then with Barack Obama]

What do you see when you turn out the light?

I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.

Isn't that just too darn peachy? Puhleeze girlfriend!"   

 

Red, White & Blue Balls will also be seen on the Logo channel in a joint venture with Viacom which owns the Logo network.

 

Dems form Ante-Defamation League

 

Seeking to unify hate speech from such diverse sources as Code Pink and Media Matters, Jon Stewart (Leibovitz) and  White House Spokesmouth, Robert "Family Guy" Gibbs announced the formation of the Ante-Defamation League to coordinate preemptive dogmatic attacks on terrorist housewives, returning Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans, Pro-Lifers, Tea Party participants, or anyone that disagrees with Chairman Barack.  "Political correctness holds that Chairman Barack is infallible and we cannot allow dissent by the radical right, which incidently is the lowest form of anti-patriotism," according to Gibbs.

  MSNBC's Ed "Sergeant" Schultz Recovering from Brain Operation

One of the few known actual walking human anal orifices on Earth, Ed "Sergeant" Schultz, is recovering today from a brain operation to remove potentially malignant hemmorhoids from his backside.  The delicate operation was performed at the Slow and Chattering Clinic in New York City.   Close friend and fellow MSNBC orifice, Keith Olbermann, contributed life-giving rare Type AH negative bile to help Schultz during the 13-hour surgical procedure.  Schultz is resting comfortably while being fed intravenous doses of Preparation H®. 

Food Fascism and the Audacity of Dope (Smoking)

 Several states are now considering the legalization of marijuana so that they can tax it.  This November, Californians will go to the polls to vote on whether or not to legalize marijuana so that the Silly Solons of Sacramento can raise money for such wonderful pet programs like: How to buy a cell phone and providing health care for illegal aliens. 

Liberal-Fascist busybodies will usually justify just about any "sin tax" with homilies about America's moral imperative to help poor foreign wretches and the need to control a general population's daily agenda because the "little" fat people aren't smart enough to take care of themselves.  [NN: Never mind that the corrupt governments where illegal alien wretches come from have the ultimate responsibility for their citizens' well being.  Nor is it the American Taxpayers reponsibility to do for them what their corrupt governments won't do.  BTW, there's some really porky Liberal Democrats out there, like you Ed Schultz .  So before you Libs start pinging on the general citizenry about their weight, try losing a few lbs. yourselves.]   Liberal-Fascists love to be philanthropists with other people's money, especially if those other people are taxpayers. 

As an aside, according to Wikipedia, the origins of the slang term "joint" are as follows:

The word "joint" ultimately originated from French, where it is an adjective meaning "joined" (past participle of the verb joindre), derived in turn from Latin iunctus, past participle of iungo meaning "I join."

By 1821, "joint" had become an Anglo-Irish term for an annexe, or a side-room "joined" to a main room. By 1877, this had developed into U.S. slang for a (usually shady) "place, building, establishment", especially referring to an opium den. By 1935, "joint" was being used to refer to the hypodermic needles used to inject heroin and other drugs; this may have been influenced by the secondary meaning of "joint" in the sense of something done "in common" or shared. Its first usage in the sense of "marijuana cigarette" is dated to 1938.[citation omitted] Additional slang, or "street," terms for the word joint include "bifta", "jay", "doobie," and "fatty" (sometimes spelled "phatty").

Whatever the origins of the term "joint," financial problems for the State of California have turned dope into a potential cash crop for Sacramento's spendthrift politicians.  The Tax Foundation noted that Californians rejected spending propositions last year  by a margin of nearly 2 to 1. These propositions would have extended increases on the income, sales, and car taxes; shifted money from dedicated funds; and borrowed against lottery revenues. [NN: Hey Californicators, you're already holding on to our tax refund checks.  Don't you dare try to touch our Lotto winnings!]  The proposed taxes allegedly would have cut $6 billion off a $21 billion budget shortfall. 

The current California budget shortfall is the direct result of a decade-long unwillingness to  spend funds derived only from actual revenues.  Only Proposition 1F, which suspends pay raises for legislators, passed.  [NN: Hmm, there's a message there.]  According to a Reuters artcle about several states considering legalization of pot, the top marijuana-producing state [California] could raise $1.3 billion annually, according to the California Board of Equalization, which collects taxes.  The hook with the dope legalization is that the politicians cum drug pushers want to make money off of yet another sin tax.  Wouldn't it be a novel concept for the pol cats to spend only what is taken in from taxes?

Lest you think that these officious meddlers are only looking at legalizing pot to make money, they are also looking at junk food and soda pop taxes to raise revenues.  Well, the Food Fascists will self-righteously tell you things like the free market favors crappy food choices.   According to one study, a tax of about 18% could result in a yearly loss of 5 lbs. per person.  These same scientists also believe that U.S. government agricultural subsidies contribute to the problem.

"Sadly, we are currently subsidizing the wrong things including the product of corn, which makes the corn syrup in sweetened beverages so inexpensive."

The scientists also argue that agricultural subsidies should be used to make "healthful foods" such as locally grown vegetables, fruits and whole grains less expensive.  Why does this crap like the emphasis on locally grown foods and dictating people's diet remind me of Joe Stalin's collectivization of the Soviet agricultural production in the late 1920s.  What commissar will determine what a healthy diet is.  It probably will the same people that will be on the ObamaCare death panels.  Despite such a tax failing to be passed last year, the deaf, dumb, and dictatorial California legislature is determined to pour a "pop tax" down the financial throats of Californians.

Here's an article on the cause and effect of dope smoking and the fabled "muchies" side effect.  The author is a self described dope expert.  Anyway, knowing that no one is going to reach for a carrot stick or a V-8 when they get the munchies, the proposed taxes on marijuana and muchies (junk food) becomes yet another sinister plot by the Left to confiscate more of your hard earned money.  As we all know the word "sinister" comes from the Latin word sinistra.  According to WikiAnswers:

There are almost a half dozen English language words that include 'left' in their meaning, and that trace their origins back to the ancient, classical Latin. One example is the adjective 'sinister'. The word is defined as 'evil or suggestive of evil'. But it also has a meaning of 'leftwardness'. For the 'sinister events' on a family's heraldic shield are found on the left side. And the word 'sinister' indeed tracks back to the Old French 'sinistre', and on further to the earlier source in the Latin 'sinister', or 'left-hand'.

And this is the basic reason why Liberal Fascism and its Nanny State notions are the societal scourge that is destroying the United States from within.