Saturday, August 20, 2011

THIS JUST IN FROM THE NEW YORK SLIMES


[Editor's Note: Thanks to my brother-in-law for this story via his partner.  This is a joke, i.e., satire, not that the stuffed liberal shirts at the NY Slimes could tell the difference.  The names have been changed to protect the guilty.]

A Harley rider is passing the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A New York Slimes reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."

The biker replies, "Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."

The reporter says, "Well, I'm a journalist from the New York Slimes, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page so, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?"

The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican."

The following morning the biker buys the New York Slimes to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on front page:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
 


Friday, August 19, 2011

LIBERAL JOKES (If you think about it, aren't they all jokes?)


Disclaimer: Content includes recycled moron, blond, and other disadvantaged group jokes. 

Did you hear that Congressman Jerry Nadler is so dumb that he needs tutoring to qualify as a village idiot?

Did you hear about the two Senators from California that were so dense that it took them both an entire year to figure out a one piece jigsaw puzzle?

How do you confuse Congressman Steny Hoyer?  Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

Did you hear that Joy Behar got an AM radio to listen to Airhead America?  It took her a month to realize that she could play it at night!

How do you make Senator John Kerry laugh on Saturday?  Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

How can you tell when a Liberal clerk/typist has been using the computer? There is white-out all over the screen!

What do you do if a Liberal throws a grenade at you?  Pull the pin and throw it back!

Why did Bill Clinton open the refrigerator door?  To see the salad dressing.

How many Liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?  Twenty. One to hold the bulb, one to write the grant application, one to launder the money so that it gets to the DNC, two mandatory SEIU employees just standing around, one to write an environmental impact report, twelve to write regulations, and two to turn the chair.

Congresswoman Maxine Waters and Senator Barbara "I earned it!" Boxer were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of a Congressional Mercedes Benz® with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.  Senator Boxer with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and Congresswoman Waters said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

Why does Senator Chuck Schumer like lightning?  He thinks (sic) that it's another photo op.

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner and Congressman Charlie Rangel were walking through the woods when they came to some tracks.  Geithner said "These look like deer tracks," and Rangel said "No, they look like moose tracks."  They argued and argued, and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

Barack Obama walks up to a Coke® machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke.  Obama looks amazed and runs off to a Chinese laundry to borrow more coins.  He returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the Coke® machine keeps feeding out drinks. Nancy Pelosi walks up behind Obama and watches his antics for a few minutes before stopping and asking him if she could have a go at it. An angry Obama spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning!" Pelosi's face then cracks into pieces at the force of Obama's shouting.

If Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz and former DNC Chair Howard Dean fell off a building, who would land first? Schultz would, because Dean would stop and ask for directions!




Wednesday, August 17, 2011

TRAGIC BUS: A PARODY SONG ABOUT OBAMA'S BUS TOUR

[Editor's note: The Obama bus is Canadian manufactured and cost taxpayers $1.1 million. It has been described as "a monstrous shimmering black bus.")

TRAGIC BUS (Apologies to the Who)

Every day I turn on the tube (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
To watch a bus taking Obama on tour (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
I'm so helpless, I sit and stare (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
Cuz the White House is so far away (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
Damn you, driver for driving Obama around (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
But you're not an inspector general, anyway (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
I can't cause no legal fuss (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
But how come taxpayers bought the Tragic Bus? (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
Nooooooooo!

I really care how much we paid (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
I‘d like to take a bus to a job someday (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
[Tragic Bus, Tragic Bus, Tragic Bus,
Tragic Bus, Tragic Bus, Tragic Bus]

Give us back $1.1 million for the … (Tragic Bus)
Don't throw us under the… (Tragic Bus)
Goes like black thunder… (Tragic Bus)
It's a Canadian wonder… (Tragic Bus)

Tragic Bus, Tragic Bus, Tragic Bus, Tragic Bus
I wanna sell it, I wanna sell it, I wanna sell it... (You can't sell it!)
Think how much that you could save... (You can't sell it!)]
Please sell it, Please sell it, Please sell it, Please sell it... (You can't sell it!)

One point one million bucks paid
Just to drive Obama on his 3-day Tour
That’s $366,000 a day
To drive Obama every way

Tragic Bus, Tragic Bus, Tragic Bus, Tragic Bus, Tragic Bus...
I wanna sell it, I wanna sell it, I wanna sell the Tragic Bus...

I said, now we're stuck with a Tragic Bus (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
I said, now we're stuck with a Tragic Bus (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
It drives Obama every place (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
And each time Obama puts on a different face (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
I wanna sell it, I wanna sell it, I wanna sell it, I wanna sell it...

But every day you'll eat his dust (Too much, the Tragic Bus)
As Obama drives the country down in our Tragic Bus (Too much, the Tragic Bus)





Monday, August 15, 2011

IS IT 2012 YET?


Corn Fed Cattle Call

The Iowa Caucus is over and another RINO Presidential candidate has bitten the dust.  Former "Cap and Trade" aficionado Tim Pawlenty is out of the Presidential race after his poor showing in the Iowa straw pole. The big winners out of the Iowa caucus are Rick Perry and home girl Michele Bachmann. Perry, the new kid on the block, is attracting attention because one third of the jobs created in the United States in the last few years were created in the state of Texas.  Almost immediately, the Obama administration claimed credit for the job creation by saying that federal government military spending and the stimulus were responsible for the new jobs in Texas.  The bottom line is however, is that Perry and Bachmann are now being vetted by the Presstitutes (thanks Rush) in a way that should have been done to Obama in 2008.  That we still don't know anything about Obama is a scary thing given that a President of the United States has the power to destroy the entire world.
_________________________

Recently, Barack Hussein Obama said that there were not as many shovel ready jobs as he originally thought with regard to the stimulus package that was supposed to keep unemployment under eight percent.  (Now there's a funny thought, Obama with an original thought.)  Gee, so which is it Barry?  Were there any shovel ready jobs or weren't there any shovel ready jobs?  Your minions are claiming that military spending is good because it helped you fix the economy, but in the same breath they also assert that we should make drastic cuts in the military budget anyway. Your crack staff also claims that the oil and gas industry was unleashed by Obama and that the Texas economic boom had nothing to do with anything that Governor Rick Perry did during his ten-year tenure.

But I guess it's kind of the same thing as saying that Bill Clinton had nothing to do with prosperity in the 1990s, because Clinton didn't have anything to do with information technology boom.  The only distinction between Perry and Clinton is that Perry is pro-business unlike the tax and spend Liberal Fascist Bill Clinton.  But Liberals are always allowed to falsely claim credit for things that they don't accomplish.  Bill Clinton claimed to be bonafide Rhodes scholar, but flunked out of Oxford.  Obama is supposed to be the smartest guy to ever be President, but he hides his marks from grade school on up. Is that the logical act of a smart guy?  You'd think they'd publicize the smart man's grades.  But maybe they're bluffing about his brain power or maybe he flunked coloring book and sandbox in the first grade?

Hey Barry, Does your staff's plugged ears ever hear what their collective mouths are saying? We don't have to ask about absence of of a thinking process. There is none amongst these Ivy League degreed geniuses. Is it 2012 yet?


Doubling Down on Incompetence


Fresh off the triumph of "killing" Bin Laden comes the news that the Pakistanis, which Obama and his crack team of foreign policy experts have berated and offended; have given the Communist Chinese access to an American helicopter used in the Bin Laden operation. The sad thing is that the Reds now have a method to reverse engineer the stealth technology that was the exclusive domain of the United States.  Even when this guy does something right he still screws up. Is it 2012 yet?


Sniper Fire


Throughout this whole budget/debt ceiling crisis Democrats have come up with bupkis with any spending plan except for more tax and spend. No approved Federal budget for nearly three years from Senate Democrats. Democrats have offered no serious debt reduction plan at all and yet the Presidunce acts as if he's tried to offer a compromise. He's done nothing but whine like a spoiled little girl. Still nothing from these crooked bastards. We need to cut the cancer that is the Democrat party from the body politic.  Is it 2012 yet?