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From the Nafta News Network

First Lady names Nadler Honorary Poster "Billboard Child" for Obesity Campaign

Michelle Obama has named Jerrold Nadler to be the honorary "Billboard Child" for her childhood obesity campaign.  Nadler is a Congessman from New York's 8th congressional district that includes parts of the Manhattan and Brooklyn borroughs in New York City.  "Jerrold is a living example of healthful living," the First Lady gushed.  Adler is famous for his six pack abs that he attributes to steady consumption of six packs of Lowbrow beer and Hegrew Nat-ural Franks during grueling legislative sessions.

New Jerker Mag names Harry Reid Macho Man of 2010!

The New Jerker magazine has named Senator Harry Reid, the Pride of Seachlight, NV as the 2010 Macho Man of the Year.  "Reid's melodious  voice and his manly carriage is what separates him from your average girlie boy Liberal," according to Editor-in-Chief I. B. T. Baggin.   Reid helped "muscle" the ObamaCare legislation through Congress.  His physique is the envy of fellow legislators like Barney "Mushmouth" Frank, "Goth, I with [NN: wish] that I had a bod like that!

Nancy Pelosi retires from Congress accepts new job with Con-Crete Cement 

Nancy Pelosi will become the face of Con-Crete cement products after she leaves Congress in January 2011.  Recognizing her re-election chances might have been diminished in light of revelations of her Miller High Life style on the taxpayers' dime, she announced her retirement today from politics.  "After troweling around for a good spokesperson, we settled on Speaker Pelosi to be Spokeperson Pelosi. It's a natural fit.  Her ideas are cast in concrete and she's hard as cement,"  according to Rocco Vaselino, Director of Insider Sales.

New MSNBC show Red, White &  Blue Balls Gets Sponsor--Matthews Elated   

Gaylord Closets will be the sponsor of Red, White & Blue Balls, the new MSNBC news magazine show, the cash strapped cable network  announced today.  Gaylord targets consumers that include couples known as DINKs, i.e., double income--no kids.  

Matthews was quoted as saying, "I have little tinglies running up and down my leg whenever I think about my new walk-in Gaylord closet.  I sit alone inside my dark closet and I hum the Beatles song With a Little Help from My Friends©. My favorite part goes,

Would you believe in a love at first sight?

Yes I'm certain that it happens all the time.  [NN: First with Bill Clinton, then with Barack Obama]

What do you see when you turn out the light?

I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.

Isn't that just too darn peachy? Puhleeze girlfriend!"   

 

Red, White & Blue Balls will also be seen on the Logo channel in a joint venture with Viacom which owns the Logo network.

 

Dems form Ante-Defamation League

 

Seeking to unify hate speech from such diverse sources as Code Pink and Media Matters, Jon Stewart (Leibovitz) and  White House Spokesmouth, Robert "Family Guy" Gibbs announced the formation of the Ante-Defamation League to coordinate preemptive dogmatic attacks on terrorist housewives, returning Iraq and Afghanistan war veterans, Pro-Lifers, Tea Party participants, or anyone that disagrees with Chairman Barack.  "Political correctness holds that Chairman Barack is infallible and we cannot allow dissent by the radical right, which incidently is the lowest form of anti-patriotism," according to Gibbs.

  MSNBC's Ed "Sergeant" Schultz Recovering from Brain Operation

One of the few known actual walking human anal orifices on Earth, Ed "Sergeant" Schultz, is recovering today from a brain operation to remove potentially malignant hemmorhoids from his backside.  The delicate operation was performed at the Slow and Chattering Clinic in New York City.   Close friend and fellow MSNBC orifice, Keith Olbermann, contributed life-giving rare Type AH negative bile to help Schultz during the 13-hour surgical procedure.  Schultz is resting comfortably while being fed intravenous doses of Preparation H®.