POLITICAL WEASEL JOKES (RECYCLED LAWYER JOKES FOR RECYCLED LAWYERS)



Logotype design © Nick Nafta



Q. When politicians die, why don’t vultures eat them?

A. Even a vulture has taste.

Q. What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

A. Senator.

Q. How do you tell if it is REALLY cold outside?

A. A Congressman has his hands in his own pockets

Q. How can you spot a Congressman walking down the street?

A. He will have his hands in someone else’s pockets.

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When the going gets tough that’s when Obama goes on vacation.

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 NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go — and wouldn’t return to Earth.  The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.

“A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million.

“I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a Congressman. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear.

“Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.

The Congressman replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”

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Q. Why is Charlie Rangel able to swim freely among hungry sharks?

A. Professional courtesy

Q. How can you tell when a Senator is lying?

A. Her lips are moving.

Q. What’s the difference between Charles Schumer and a catfish?

A. One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.

Q. What’s the difference between Nancy Pelosi and a vulture?

A. Nancy Pelosi accumulates frequent flyer miles.

Q. What’s the difference between Barack Obama and a terrorist?

A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q. What’s the difference between a Congressman and a trampoline?

A. You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Q. What’s the difference between Harry Reid and a bucket of pond scum?

A. The bucket.

Q. What’s the difference between God and a Senator?

A. God doesn’t think he’s a Senator.

Q. How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead Congressman on the road?

A. The vultures aren’t gagging over the skunk.

Q. What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Congressman in the road?

A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

MANY UNHAPPY RETURNS

 

The First 1040 Form; they might have got it right the first time--simple with low tax rates.

Even though Joe Biden considers paying taxes a patriotic duty, many seemingly unpatriotic procrastinators today will either drop their completed tax returns off at that colossal government failure, the U.S. Postal Service or electronically file them with the IRS.  But few of the less than half of the population that still pays taxes will ever consider the lack of return on investment that they get for those tax payments.

Barack Obama and other Liberals are fond of calling government expenditures "investments." Investments in what?  Sloth?  Waste and fraud?  The purchase of voting blocs like government employee or teacher unions?  Or maybe it's the ineffective, costly political appointees (the Czars) that are the "good investments."  Apparently, the other people (like the Chinese) that help pay our bills also think that we are as irresponsible as drunken sailors on payday.  But at least a drunken sailor earns the money that he pisses away while in his own way is helping the local economy.  And that's a far more intelligent assertion than the stupid one that former Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi made when she said that unemployment checks help the economy grow.

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Standard & Poor's (S&P) the financial ratings agency, cut its long-term outlook on American debt from "stable" to "negative."  S&P, perhaps fearing a stampede of fear on Wall Street maintained America's AAA/A-1+ credit rating based upon the nation's "highly diversified" economy and "effective monetary policies" that traditionally have helped economic growth.  What the bond agency is trying to say very carefully is that the US must get its fiscal house in order.  According to the CNN story cited above, "The [S&P] outlook means that there is a one-in-three likelihood that it could lower the long-term rating on the United States within two years, S&P said."

But it's not just Standard & Poor's agency that is concerned with the growing U.S. debt bubble.  The IMF’s most recent World Economic Outlook, states that the U.S. government lacks a “credible strategy” to deal with its exploding debt, while it  continues to expand its deficit spending when it should be reducing spending. 

The two current competing strategies are the Obama plan, which calls for higher taxes and increased spending to lower the deficit about $4 trillion in 12 years; and depending upon who's doing the analysis, the Ryan plan, would cut about $4.3 trillion in 10 years.    

"It's a war on seniors!"  Or so says one Democrat political hack about the Ryan plan.  Senate Harry "the Sleaze" Reid has declared the Ryan legislation passed by the House as DOA.   The inevitable conclusion that one can draw from all of this acrimony is that Democrats will never compromise on their agenda because it's not in their weasel-like DNA. 

So in the spirit of Democrat intransigence and GOP spinelessness, below is a proposed budget compromise solution to the Federal government deficit woes.  Compromise, of course, is defined as the Democrats always getting their way.