POLITICAL WEASEL JOKES (RECYCLED LAWYER JOKES FOR RECYCLED LAWYERS)



Logotype design © Nick Nafta



Q. When politicians die, why don’t vultures eat them?

A. Even a vulture has taste.

Q. What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

A. Senator.

Q. How do you tell if it is REALLY cold outside?

A. A Congressman has his hands in his own pockets

Q. How can you spot a Congressman walking down the street?

A. He will have his hands in someone else’s pockets.

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When the going gets tough that’s when Obama goes on vacation.

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 NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go — and wouldn’t return to Earth.  The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.

“A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million.

“I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a Congressman. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear.

“Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.

The Congressman replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”

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Q. Why is Charlie Rangel able to swim freely among hungry sharks?

A. Professional courtesy

Q. How can you tell when a Senator is lying?

A. Her lips are moving.

Q. What’s the difference between Charles Schumer and a catfish?

A. One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.

Q. What’s the difference between Nancy Pelosi and a vulture?

A. Nancy Pelosi accumulates frequent flyer miles.

Q. What’s the difference between Barack Obama and a terrorist?

A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q. What’s the difference between a Congressman and a trampoline?

A. You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

Q. What’s the difference between Harry Reid and a bucket of pond scum?

A. The bucket.

Q. What’s the difference between God and a Senator?

A. God doesn’t think he’s a Senator.

Q. How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead Congressman on the road?

A. The vultures aren’t gagging over the skunk.

Q. What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Congressman in the road?

A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.